What Title Could I Possibly Give This One?

Six and a half years ago, my father had a massive heart attack and died 48 hours later. I have talked in the past about that loss. It is a moment that never fades in my memory. It is a heartache that not only have I continued to work through but I have seen my children discuss and feel the loss of grandpa over they years.

Now, my father-in-law, my children's other grandpa is dying. He has been very ill and in an ICU unit for a couple weeks. Things have progressed poorly and he continues to get worse and need more and more intervention to stay alive. Today the news from the neurologist was not good. So, he is going to be moved to hospice care complete with his ventilator, dialysis needs, brain swelling and sepsis.

There have been positive, hopeful moments through this and we have done our best to keep the kids guardedly informed about Grandpa's condition. Now, it is time to prepare them for his death. Help them say their goodbyes. We didn't have the opportunity for them to say that same goodbye before my father died. I am hoping it will be a positive experience for them in the long run. Still, I am worried for them. I ache for their loss in this.

My father-in-law is a wonderful man. This is commonly said about the dead or dying but truly this man has the heart of an angel. He has a love that encompasses all who have need of him, all he crosses paths with and a love for his family that would bring tears to his eyes in the happy and sad moments. I have often told my husband how very grateful I am that he was raised by such a remarkable man. After my father died, I too leaned on my father-in-law's big shoulders for support. He has in every way been a father to me for the past 13+ years.

If you are the praying sort, or the positive thinking energy sort..please consider adding my children into your prayers tonight. We have a journey to complete with a special man very soon and I so hate saying goodbye.

Remembering the Important Things

I think I've started crawling out of the hole that was last week.

A dear friend came over today and helped get our evap. cooler working again. So, still no AC but until July we will survive just fine. Now to just start pushing the refinancing along.

Today, our dear friend, was laid to rest in another state. The funeral was last Saturday, but the burial was in her hometown. We were unable to make that trek. As we spent time Saturday afternoon with Rob, I was constantly emotionally knocked over by the sadness that radiated from his eyes. He was holding together alright, but his eyes spoke so much more. The kids had a tough time. Thankfully, they were able to have a viewing. (After car accidents ya never know). The kids were able to look at her face to say goodbye. But when their four year-old would burst into tears, we would all lose it too. That is an image I will never lose. She was being hugged and held and loved by family and yet she felt so helpless.

I am still deeply sad. However, I have a renewed perspective of gratitude and overwhelming love for my husband and children. I am better with my words. I am mindful to make sure the last things I say before leaving or sending them off to school are positive happy things. I want no regrets on either side. I want to make sure that each day they know how much I love them, and how very important they are to me.

My daughter sang a solo in the school talent show today. I need to write a whole post on this one. It was shocking to me the song choices of some of the other kids. I am grateful my daughter wanted to sing about love, kindness and making a difference. Even more so after I heard other little girls sing and dance to songs about desire, their 'triggers', and sensual love. Maybe I'm just getting old, but when did it become ok for little girls to be so sexualized?

Go, tell your kids you love them. Tell your wife/husband all the things they do right every day. Give them all big hugs. You can never go wrong with love.