Tap Tap Tap, Is This Thing On?

Hi blog world.

I took a break from blogging. I have had some interesting experiences lately, so I think I'm going to return.

I am now a full time student going through the online program at NAU (Northern Arizona University). Yes, I chose this school just so I would have an excuse to go visit GORGEOUS Flagstaff when I graduate. hehe Ok not really. They offered the program I wanted. I am finishing up my BA in Humanities with (hopefully) and emphasis in Latin American Studies.

I am currently in my final weeks of my first semester back as a full time student. My first semester ever with upper division courses. I came into the program as a Junior. (Thanks to alllll those community college classes I've taken since I was last a full time student).

So..Time for my blog to go through yet another metamorphosis. After all, the blog reflects my life. I will still share some things about my kids. Oldest is now a teenager who sends way too many texts on her cellphone. My baby is 4 yrs old and while still my sunshine has found his attitude too.

I have been lurking on everyone's blogs for the past forever and I look forward to sharing a bit back again.

Shared Joys

"Aaaah" then "Haaaa" That aaaah is that squeaky sound when you inhale quickly as if in fear or surprise, the Haaaa the relief riddled exhale afterward.

Imagine if you will two little boys, age 3 and 4 sitting at a computer working to solve a puzzle. They keep taking turns making the scared/relieved noises as they overcome each new obstacle in the game. They are a chorus of little squeakers. I wonder if they might get going too quick with it, hyperventilate and pass out. I should put pillow around the chair they are sharing.

My little boys adore each other so much. They have the amazing ability to share beautifully for hours and then have a full out blow out fight with kicking, screaming and biting for seemingly no cause at all. They finish each others' sentences and hug and apologize without being told to. I love that they need each other so much. They have a lot of years ahead spending a lot of time together.

Here they are :):



And yes, Robert is only wearing underwear. It amazes me how difficult it is to keep clothes on that child. I am grateful he at least thinks underwear is a good idea now.

New Year's Resolution 1: Start Blogging Again :-)

Listening to my sweet 4 yr old Robert this afternoon:

"Wah Wah Wah for walking" *singing*
pause
"Wah Wah Wah for walking" *singing*
pause
"Wah Wah Wah..."
shorter pause
"I Hate that song!"
pause
"Wah Wah Wah for walking" *singing*

Oh the wonders of having a song you don't like stuck in your head. He's only recently started singing all the time. So, this likely is the very first time he's been faced with this. I'm not liking the song much myself and I haven't a clue what it is!

What Title Could I Possibly Give This One?

Six and a half years ago, my father had a massive heart attack and died 48 hours later. I have talked in the past about that loss. It is a moment that never fades in my memory. It is a heartache that not only have I continued to work through but I have seen my children discuss and feel the loss of grandpa over they years.

Now, my father-in-law, my children's other grandpa is dying. He has been very ill and in an ICU unit for a couple weeks. Things have progressed poorly and he continues to get worse and need more and more intervention to stay alive. Today the news from the neurologist was not good. So, he is going to be moved to hospice care complete with his ventilator, dialysis needs, brain swelling and sepsis.

There have been positive, hopeful moments through this and we have done our best to keep the kids guardedly informed about Grandpa's condition. Now, it is time to prepare them for his death. Help them say their goodbyes. We didn't have the opportunity for them to say that same goodbye before my father died. I am hoping it will be a positive experience for them in the long run. Still, I am worried for them. I ache for their loss in this.

My father-in-law is a wonderful man. This is commonly said about the dead or dying but truly this man has the heart of an angel. He has a love that encompasses all who have need of him, all he crosses paths with and a love for his family that would bring tears to his eyes in the happy and sad moments. I have often told my husband how very grateful I am that he was raised by such a remarkable man. After my father died, I too leaned on my father-in-law's big shoulders for support. He has in every way been a father to me for the past 13+ years.

If you are the praying sort, or the positive thinking energy sort..please consider adding my children into your prayers tonight. We have a journey to complete with a special man very soon and I so hate saying goodbye.

Bullets Already? (No, not the kind you shoot)

Bullets already? But but I just started blogging again! Still some days, weeks, months, only provide enough focus for a list. So, here goes:

• My little boy is learning to read. He has learned phonic sounds and now loves to sound out words in order to determine how they are spelled. We run into problems when he wants to sound out a word with irregularities, such as a silent e. My life lately has felt a lot like this. I feel like I'm working through the word, working really hard, carefully sounding things out and then BAM! that silent e throws me off and I don't know where to go next.
• It rained here today. I love the rain. Today, I had trouble really enjoying it tho. It hasn't rained in almost three months, but still, it didn't brighten me like I thought it might.
• School has a week and a half more to go. My children desperately want to be done and yet we have all the end of the year projects to complete. I find myself fighting them to get through every small part. That same restlessness seems to have been infused in my little ones and they are spending every opportunity pulling the house apart. But with summer vacation comes a whole new list of responsibilities and places to be.
  
• I'm tired of the election already. I should stop listening to talk radio.
• Noise. ...nuff said.

And for the few who so kindly commented and guessed...
Sharla gets the prize....or would if I was offering a prize.
My new license plate which give me endless moments of pleasure says "OSHEE". Look for picture to come soon when I refind the energy to do all that camera stuff.

Be As A Little Child

Yesterday was a spring cleaning day. Only here in Phoenix that means something a bit different. There wasn't messes left from months of snow to clean up, no no, there was dead weeds to clear out and rocks to rake. And, most importantly, there is the pool to get ready! It's pool time! And I had put off preparing the pool for swimming. Yesterday, I got it ready. And at the end of the day, it was really nice to sit there, with the feet in the water and admire it's beauty.

No, it was too late by the time all was ready to actually go swimming. But that didn't stop my 8 yr old, Deborah from asking if they could go. Well, she intended to ask me anyway. I was sitting on the diving board admiring my hard work, daddy was sitting beside me and 2 yr old Brandon was beside daddy, his own little feet dangling in the water. Deborah came up to me to ask, and before she could get the words out of her mouth, I pushed her in. Yes, that's right, I pushed her into the water, fully clothed. And it was funny. Now, see, I couldn't have done that with 12 yr old, Heather, no no...that would have been very bad. But Deborah is a good sport about such things and after a stressed moment of losing her shoe, she laughed and laughed. I told her we weren't going swimming but that she should go inside and shower.

My wise husband said at this point I should be expecting the other two older children shortly. I said nooo...but he was right. First, Dale, 10 yr old, wander slowly out by the pool. I had stood and was preparing to go inside, but had to push him in first. Laughing, he returned inside. And just as I had convinced Brandon to come inside with me, Heather came tentatively tip toe-ing out by the pool. I said 'ok, I'll push you in'. She said, 'can I jump?' I said, 'no what's the fun in that.' Still she didn't let me get much leverage and dove prettily into the pool. She still made a significant splash tho upon coming up from the water.

So, picture this if you will, Heather splashing around in the pool, fully clothed. Brandon, suddenly has become very concerned. "OH NO!" He keeps shouting. Daddy and I just laugh and laugh as Heather takes her splashing good time to leave the pool. Reassuring Brandon has no effect and he runs over, grabs the aluminum pole with the strainer attachment and holds it out to Heather, to rescue her. My heart leapt into my throat. Wow! How did he know to do that?? Was he the only child paying attention last summer on saftey day at swim lessons? Naw, he was only one at the time, that couldn't be it. He instinctively knew how to save his much larger, flailing sister. Heather grabbed the end and sweetly played along as she took the steps out of the pool. She gave Brandon a hug and thanked him. He was overjoyed to see her saftely back on the pool deck and we all went inside.

Daily, I see Brandon and Robert, 3 yr old, interact in similar ways. They are deeply concerned for each other's well being and happiness. They will give hugs to comfort, kisses to heal and ask 'Happy?' to be sure all is right in their little worlds again. They are such shining little examples of how we should all care and love each other. Wouldn't it be something sweet and special if the leaders of the world could hug, give healing kisses, and ask each other if all is happy. We should all be more like little children. (Except for the fit throwing and screaming NO!)

On another happy note, my new vanity liscense plate arrived this week. Can you guess what it says??

Happy Guessing!

Jumping in Feet First

Growing up, I used to keep a journal. Only, I wasn't very good with it. I would write regularly for a space of time, weeks maybe even months. And then I'd forget to write for a time, months maybe even years. I would return to the journal and feel overwhelmed that there was so much I had missed writing about. So much that I felt I had to write and write to catch up some imaginary journal reader everything in my life. Needless to say, writing that catch up, sometimes would completely burn me out.

So, my dear blog friends, who are real, unlike that imaginary journal reader I had, I am not going to catch you up on everything right now. I am just going to hop right back in, feet first.

I do want to write about my very favorite moment from this past Christmas.

The scene, preparing the family to go pick out a Christmas Tree. The kids were all very excited and were congregating by the front door, awaiting permission to head to the van. My oldest (Heather almost 12) sat down on the floor and held her littlest brother (Brandon 2 1/2) to help him wait. She started telling him all about Christmas trees and all about the Christmas lights we would see. She was sharing with him all her most favorite Christmas things. There was not one mention of gifts or toys or the many 'things' that would be coming their way.

He watched her face with rapt attention and would repeat a word or two she was saying. His own excitement was growing as she shared hers.

In so many ways the past couple months have been difficult. However, I keep returning to that moment in my thoughts and in my heart. We have a strong foundation in our home. It is based on love and giving and sharing ourselves. I see it in how my children love each other. I see it in how they like to be together. I see it in how they patiently teach each other.

I am blessed. I am loved.


Soccer season will be upon us within a month. I think, unlike this past fall, we will be signing up again. So, lots of stories and pictures to come on those adventures.

Happy New Year everyone! Better a month late...then missing out entirely..

Shicken Fresh Fries

Warning, the following is a happy, cute mom moment.


Today, because well, I was feeling lazy and didn't want to fight thought my living room/kitchen for lunch, I took my boys to McDonald's for lunch. They, of course, got the shicken fresh fries. I think if I ever gave them JUST fries or JUST shicken they might freak, because one is so incomplete without the other.

Robert my little three yr-old, refusing to potty train...ever, boy is a picky eater right now. So, shicken fresh fries is always a hit. He was funny with his lunch. Only, he didn't mean to be funny. I have to be careful about how much I laugh when he is unintentionally funny because he's a bit sensitive to being laughed at when he doesn't see the humor.

He brought me a half eaten chicken nugget during lunch. He kept saying, "Momma eye! Momma eye!" So I dutifully said yes there's your eye and I pointed to his face. Um, no, that isn't what he meant and so he kept up his happy, "Momma eye!".

And then I got it. He had taken bites out of the chicken nugget to make it look (at least to his mind) like the letter I. I laughed. He paused. I hugged him and told him what a smart boy he is and that kept him from transitioning into 'uh oh, mom's laughing at me' mode.

I wonder what that quesadilla at dinner is going to become.

To Choose or Not to Choose, That is the Question

My husband and I had a talk with our daughter tonight about choices. We explained, yet again, to her how her choices will effect not only the others around her, but her opportunities or consequences in the future. This is such a tough thing for kids to learn and grasp. Their lives revolve so much in the present. I wonder if making such a case for choosing carefully really has much effect on her. I'd rather she get it now that have the ample opportunities for the 'I Told You So's' in the future.

I watched gymnastics last night. It was a competition that determines the national women's team for the upcoming world championships. I always marvel at the choices that those girls make in order to be where they are at. They sacrifice so much. Not just time and friendships in order to train, but also they sacrifice their bodies to the sport. Some have such strong little bodies there isn't much to them except the muscles. They were 14-20 years old, but I saw only one that looked as if any form of womanhood had reached her. They put off through the extreme physical training the maturation of their bodies. The end result can be breathtaking though. They tumble, jump, spin and toss themselves around in the most amazing ways. Each girl makes very specific choices to lead her to that level of eliteness in her sport.

I think about my house. We have made so many quick choices as to the renovations and changes we want to make. It has been mind numbing how quick it has all flown by. I have had to do a lot of trusting in my instinctual choices when it comes to colors and styles. Thus far, I have not been disappointed. Still, there is a lot of trust that comes when forgoing normal research times. I am grateful my husband has been trusting of my opinions. But then I look at some of the houses in my neighborhood and wonder just how long some of the other homeowners spent deciding on house color. There are some shocking examples of poor choice making in my opinion. Granted, my tastes are not like everyone else's but there are just some shades of teal that do not belong on a house. The choices I make about how the exterior of my house looks, will have an effect on those living around me.

Choices and consequences. It is impossible to be careful enough to make sure nothing bad happens, but certainly we can try to be good, considerate people. How does this stack up when it comes to choices that may not be the best for us, but yet we really want something. It reminds me of going to a buffet style restaurant this weekend. I know my choices there were really not all in my best interest. Which is typically why I usually avoid such places. Still, it was a very pleasant meal with my family. The kids were so well behaved, I got compliments from the strangers around us. I was able, in front of my kids, to brag a bit about them. This is always good for the self confidence. Do the good and the not so goods in this case balance out? Or should I still regret my poor decision making when it came to eating?

It is tough to teach proper decision making when I struggle with it myself. I hope my daughter understood what we were trying to explain to her tonight, but somehow I doubt it will create much change in her. It is more likely that we will need to provide instant negative consequences to some of her choices to help her understand that they really were poor choices. Parenting is tough.

Hello, Is Anybody In There?

Renovations often bring unexpected obstacles. This is really just a truth about being your own general contractor. But, having heard this and having lived this are two very separate things. And look at me..I put that in the past tense, like it is all over and done with. I hope I haven't just jinxed myself with another month of headaches, heh.

This summer of fixing the house came as a surprise for me. It certainly wasn't in my summer plans back in May. BUT- then the air conditioner stopped working and since the thing was ancient and it needed a new compressor..well no point in fixing it. Might as well spend $10K to get a new one. Oh, but wait, I don't have that much money just laying around. So, we entered a very confusing world of refinancing and home equity. We ended up diving head first into home renovations in the matter of a couple of weeks. There really is only so much you can do to prepare for such things anyway, but a bit more planning might have been helpful.

Anyway, I have learned more then I ever thought I would know about getting permits from the city. And the biggest lesson of getting permits? If the inspector says you have to have a permit...you get a permit no matter what the people at City Hall say. Gotta love bureaucracy. Because we were having major electrical work done on the house, we had to have a city inspector come out and say all was good before we could turn back power to the house. Not just turn back on the power, but have the power company reconnect the house to the wires dangling from the dead tree in my backyard. It is amazing what the city inspector will find wrong with your house once you let him into the yard. UGH!

In all of this, we got to go look at aerial photographs of our neighborhood from around the time the house was built. It is crazy to see how little the structures of the area have changed in the past 40 years. It must be the fear of those city inspectors...

I sat all afternoon one day comparing the black and white images we got from city hall to my neighborhood on Google maps. Google is cool. What a fun way to spy on the neighbors. And look at who's backyards are messier than mine. (Actually..with all the work..my backyard is looking better than it has since we moved in..emptying a pool into the yard sure does help the grass grow).

My kids love Google maps too. We roam around the city with it finding Grandma's house and their school and their favorite parks. How did I ever survive without a birdseye view of my world as a kid?

This week, school started again for my kids. I have been alone all day with my two little hellions boys. Keep in mind that this house still does not have a functioning kitchen. (Although those adorable, sweet little boys have already gone in with marker and scribbled on all the new cabinet doors...Thank goodness for magic eraser). I have started to feel like I am living in a very narrow universe. My bipolar mind does not like this and has been trying to go on Strike.

For months, I have lived one day at a time. I know that sounds cliché ..and well it is a cliché. Each morning through all this, I would get up to take care of my kids..keeping them from destroying whoever's house we were staying at that week. Rush them off to swim lessons etc. and then spend the afternoon doing laundry at the laundromat, or dealing with workers at the house (or meeting the city inspector to beg to let us have the power back on). I hopped from one chaotic moment to the next, trying to just keep it all moving forward. So, is it any wonder I am struggling to find my old routines? Is it any wonder my little boys are going a bit crazy too?

I am missing my Google maps view of my life right now. I feel like I am focused down onto a little speck of dust and can't stop staring at it. I am struggling to zoom out and see the whole picture. I feel trapped..staring at that speck.

As much as all of what I am feeling is understandable..I am still stuck. My mind wants to stop and just stand outside of me with that picket sign. The intense need I feel to run away right now is overwhelming. I don't feel hopeless or helpless...more that I don't care anymore. But I have to care. The hardest part is that despite largely understanding what I am feeling..it doesn't stop the feeling. But the exploration of it all, does help me to keep fighting. And eventually, I'll beat it. I always do.

Supracondylar what? When Three Year-Olds Fall.

Jody asked to hear more about my son's broken elbow. And since I really have been intending to write the story out...here is the long version.


Three and half weeks ago or so, my three yr-old son and my two yr-old son were jumping on a bed. At the time, we were staying at my mom's house. The night before my kids with their cousins had all been in there jumping around and basically going nuts. I think my little boys wanted to copy what they had seen. So, the first chance they got the next day, they were in the room jumping around. The door was open, but they were alone in the room. So, I cannot say what exactly happened. My guess is that Robert (3 yr-old) fell onto Brandon (2 yr-old) with his arm outstretched. He never fell off the bed, so that is all that makes sense. They'd only been in the room a matter of minutes when he then started crying in the most heart wrenching way I've ever heard. He is a rather stubborn little boy and doesn't shy away from crying and pouting to try to prove a point. But when he started crying this time, I knew immediately something was very very wrong.

I examined him carefully and his hand was becoming quite cold and pale. He kept pointing to his elbow and saying "hurt 'dare". So, only one thing to do that that point. I carefully loaded him into his car seat and drove to the nearby pediatric urgent care. I've been to Mendy's Place several times with my children. Most recent was for x-rays of my daughter's arm after she fell off her bike last winter. They are always busy and I usually have to wait a couple of hours to be seen. This was not the case this time though. Maybe because it is summertime but immediately after signing in we were taken right into see the triage nurse. From there, they took us right in and gave him a room. We had only long enough to search the TV for a cartoon for Robert to watch and the doctor was in to take a look at his arm. Ten minutes later I was carrying him over to radiology for his x-rays.

I was so proud of him as he stayed so still for the x-rays. There were a couple of angles that obviously hurt him to hold his arm, but he didn't move. Yes, I was there helping hold his arm, but he was so brave. They have digital x-ray system at the hospital, so by the time we were back to his room the doctor had already looked at the x-rays. He brought us over and let me see for myself what had happened. He called it a type-2 supracondylar humerus fracture. Um huh? He patiently explained that Robert had broken his elbow right above the condyle (which are the little nobby things at the end). Type-2 means it didn't break all the way through the bone. In the x-ray it looked a lot like a little pacman mouth had opened up in his bone.

The doctor explained that they had already contacted the pediatric orthopedic surgeon on call. There are a lot of blood vessels and nerves that run through that section of the elbow and so they have to be extra careful when putting humpty back together. Also, the break was right at a growth plate and that is always cause for concern. So, we went back to the room to wait for the surgeon to show. Only, that isn't how it happened.

No more than ten minutes later, very nice ER PA (the doctor) came in and explained that yes, Robert was going to have to have surgery. The surgeon had pulled up the x-rays on his home PC and already determined that Robert would need a couple of pins. So, even as ER doc was talking with us, the surgeons assistant arrived to begin prepping Robert. They had me draw an X on the arm that needed to worked on. I guess no need to pin up the arm that isn't broken. I think that X was the most exciting part of the experience for Robert. So, I whipped out my phone and took a picture.


My little boys loves everything to do with letters and numbers. So, later when he had his splint changed over to a real cast, that X was still faintly there and he was very excited.

Through all of this, he had completely enchanted the hospital staff. I don't say that just because he is my son. Look at this face...

It wasn't long and he was moved up to the third floor for surgery. Daddy arrived as we were in the final prep stages for the surgery. Thankfully Daddy was already on his way home from work. I arrived at the hospital shortly after 5pm. They were now taking him into surgery at 7:30pm. I'd never experienced such quick service at an Urgent Care or ER. We were blessed with the right doctors and very quick help.

For surgery, the anesthesiologist gave Robert a sedative and so he was feeling a bit silly when they wheeled him into the operating room. His nurse showed him a picture of a little blue bear on his pulse oximeter. She asked him what a bear says and he growled. This is cute, but what had the whole room laughing was that he also had the hiccups. So he'd GROWhiccupL. Everyone I spoke to who was in the operating room told me how funny he was.

Here is Robert post-surgery in the recovery room:



Picture phones are great aren't they?

Anyway, he had two pins placed to hold the bone together. It looked a lot like this:



That isn't his arm..those are the bones of a 5 yr-old with a similar problem I found online. I don't have any copies of his x-rays..I wonder if I could get one.

Robert stayed in the hospital overnight as the accident had happened so late in the day. His nurses were very kind and he was released to go home at 9am the next day. They didn't even make us wait around for a discharge, very impressive. He was sent home with the splint you can see in the recovery room picture. We went a week later to the dr's office where they took x-rays. They have the neatest x-ray machine at his dr's office.
Much like kitty in this picture, they place his arm under the machine and can see the bones moving around. They are able to position his arm just how they want and then snap the picture. It reminds me of watching cartoons as a kid.

He has to wear a cast until next Tuesday when we are hopeful it will be removed. Bath time will be so much simpler then. Here is Robert with his very green cast...along with Brandon..cohorts in chaos (complete with messy faces).

Thumper's Advice

Do you remember this from Bambi?

Thumper: He doesn't walk very good, does he?
Mrs. Rabbit: Thumper!
Thumper: Yes, mama?
Mrs. Rabbit: What did your father tell you this morning?
Thumper: [clears throat] If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all.

Thumper had one wise papa if you ask me.

I have one child who is just like her dad. All those little things he does that drive me crazy, yep, she does them too.

It is all very involved and I admit this week, I have not taken Thumper's father's advice. I have used words in some very unkind ways.

I keep telling myself, how can I expect them to be good and kind, when I am lacking so much in the compassion department right now?

I have excuses that go on forever about the stress about the house stuff right now. Stress about the cub scout stuff right now. Stress about money and church and summer plans. But that is a load of crap when it comes to teaching my child she is precious and important. I've been messing up pretty good and now I have to change.

So, now it is recorded for all to see. ☺ It is time for change.
She deserves more from me, before I can expect more from her. And to think, we are still two years away from real teenagehood. I'm lost if I can't figure this age out first.

Remembering the Important Things

I think I've started crawling out of the hole that was last week.

A dear friend came over today and helped get our evap. cooler working again. So, still no AC but until July we will survive just fine. Now to just start pushing the refinancing along.

Today, our dear friend, was laid to rest in another state. The funeral was last Saturday, but the burial was in her hometown. We were unable to make that trek. As we spent time Saturday afternoon with Rob, I was constantly emotionally knocked over by the sadness that radiated from his eyes. He was holding together alright, but his eyes spoke so much more. The kids had a tough time. Thankfully, they were able to have a viewing. (After car accidents ya never know). The kids were able to look at her face to say goodbye. But when their four year-old would burst into tears, we would all lose it too. That is an image I will never lose. She was being hugged and held and loved by family and yet she felt so helpless.

I am still deeply sad. However, I have a renewed perspective of gratitude and overwhelming love for my husband and children. I am better with my words. I am mindful to make sure the last things I say before leaving or sending them off to school are positive happy things. I want no regrets on either side. I want to make sure that each day they know how much I love them, and how very important they are to me.

My daughter sang a solo in the school talent show today. I need to write a whole post on this one. It was shocking to me the song choices of some of the other kids. I am grateful my daughter wanted to sing about love, kindness and making a difference. Even more so after I heard other little girls sing and dance to songs about desire, their 'triggers', and sensual love. Maybe I'm just getting old, but when did it become ok for little girls to be so sexualized?

Go, tell your kids you love them. Tell your wife/husband all the things they do right every day. Give them all big hugs. You can never go wrong with love.

☺☺☺

I haven't posted in a little while.

I would sit here and flip my fingers through the proverbial filing cabinet in my mind. All the file folders near the front (or stacked right on top) of my mental files were whines and complaints. Skimming over the pages of my complaint, I would then lack any energy to look further back in the files for happy things to share. So, I've stayed quiet. Wallowed in my own unease and read other blogs but not commenting. I figured I'd likely only sound whiny and miserable.

So, here's my one sentence of complaint:

My air conditioner is broken.

Ok..now that I got that out of my system. Let me try for some happier thoughts.

☺I have happy children. They have been good sports through they heat and haven't been complaining and whining.

☺I had a very nice mother's day. My mom came over for dinner and my almost 3 yr-old chatted with her through the entire visit. He adores her so much.

☺The Suns won game four of their series against the Spurs to tie it up 2-2. They got home court back.. Yay!

☺I love my husband. In all the chaos and misery I feel encased in lately, he has been kind and sympathetic. He is so supportive and I appreciate him.

☺The Cub Scout fund raiser we had tonight went extremely well. So many people came to support the boys. I hope they understand how loved they are.

☺Our good friend is trying to rush through our refinancing to help us get a new AC as fast as possible.

☺We own a house. Despite any and all financial difficulties we struggle with, I am so grateful for our home and the security it provides.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

The Brick Walls Listen Just as Well Sometimes

Dear Elementary School,

Yes, I know there are only 10 days left of school. Do you realize how tough it is to get kids to keep up with their school work when there are only two weeks left of school? They talk of the parties and the picnics going on all around them. They don't want to focus on anything, let alone multiplication tables.

What is it with teacher communication dropping to NOTHING the last weeks of school? The teacher who used to email me back in 30 minutes has now gone two weeks without responding to my last, long, heart wrenching, email. Don't tell me how unfair it is for me to send stressful emails the last half quarter of school. I'll tell you how unfair it is that he seems to have completely given up and is only looking for escape. The worst part is that because it is the end of the school year, I haven't pushed it. I am wondering on my own if it is worth it to push this man any more. Already, homeschooling my oldest child next fall is appearing to be a very valid option.

It is going to be really hot this coming week. I expect you will be moving P.E. inside. I'll be sending very large water bottles to school with my kids. I have never understood the value in making kids run in the heat.

Oh, and I miss my kids. I am looking forward as much to get them back for the summer as you are looking forward to giving them to me.


Sincerely,

Mom of Bunny, Monkey and Little Bear




Dear Kids,

Just because it is the final weeks of school does not mean you don't have to do your homework. So, just sit down and do it. And just because it is hot out, doesn't mean we get to turn the back yard into a mud puddle every afternoon.

Please drink you water as it will be very hot out. Please don't lose your water bottles..again.

I love you.

Mom

Confessions of a Lousy Accountant

I was so set to post pictures of my kids at their band concert, but then my cable...the one that connects to the camera and the computer to allow such easy downloading..decided to stop working. So, I will have to wait until after pay day to buy a new cable. That is if I can feel safe allowing my husband in to Fry's Electronics. He he..I say that for all the wives of technology loving husbands.

The whole concept of money can be so terrifying. Or more so, the lack thereof. (Wasn't that a cool sentence? I love the phrases..more so and thereof.) It isn't an uncommon practice in our home to have to put off a purchase until payday. In that past, it has always been because there has been no money left. The whole living pay check to pay check experience. Not to say we have gotten too far from that, but we have a tiny little savings now. The thought occurred to me, transfer money over and go buy the cable. And that is when understanding finally..after all these horrifying (well where money management is concerned) years. That money in savings isn't for a new camera cable. That money in savings is for real emergencies and so I have no money for a new cable until payday.

See, without this very important understanding...it is near impossible to truly save money. The whole needs v. wants has to take precedence somewhere. I have family members, friends, etc who are much better with finances than I have been. It used to confuse me when one of them would comment on how they have no money for such and such and it will have to wait. Knowing them to be a good saver, this confused me. I really must be pretty hard-headed. In their minds they don't have any more money for the superfluous and so there is no money.

Why has it taken so long for this to sink in? We are about to refinance our house and wrap some debt into it. So, maybe it is a really good time for this lesson to finally stick with me a bit. 'eh?


Ok and just because I really was looking forward to posting a picture or two. Here are a couple of older shots of the kids at the beach last March:



Monkey building Sand Castles.



Little Bear and the waves.

I Need To Learn To Just Say Thank You and Then Believe It Too

Tonight after my kids' band concert I received a sweet compliment. My kids' Principal turned to my kids and said, "I hope you're parents know what good children you are. You are always so polite and respectful." I was walking a bit behind the kids (holding toddler hands). I called over to her a thank you.

I am often told what good kids I have. I wonder that people think I am better at this parenting thing than I really am. I certainly hope other mothers are not comparing themselves to me. I compare myself to other women. Isn't it awful that I do that? I don't know what is going on in their heads or in their homes any more than they see what is happening in my life. It is really easy to paint a picture of perfection around somebody who is having a good moment.

I think that is why I enjoy reading other blogs so very much. You bloggers share the ins and outs and the good and the bad. The blogs I enjoy the most are such refreshingly honest places to visit. It gives me a moment to reflect on my life and realize I'm not that far from normal. That normal really does encompass bad days for some pretty amazing people.

On occasion, when I have received a glowing compliment, instead of Thank You..I want to rush into how my kids really aren't always so wonderful. I don't do this tho. Because after all, just because I see the tougher moments in my kids' lives, it doesn't mean that they aren't pretty special. So, they should never hear me disagree with anyone about how sweet, kind and polite they are. I wouldn't ever want them to think I don't appreciate their good public behavior.

Still, it can be tough to smile and take a compliment when I have been battling my daughter over telling lies. Oh, how it hurts to be lied to by my child. They should market a salve for that hurt. Somebody would get rich off it. Those giving the compliments don't see how my kids fight and argue or just outright disobey sometimes.

But...I would benefit by seeing my children through other peoples eyes sometimes. I think that is the biggest thing that came to mind tonight as agreed and Thanked the Principal. I do have good kids. They deserve the right to struggle through some things at times just as I do.

When I look at my kids, I not only see who they are, but who they could become. It is so frustrating when they fight against those potentials. I wonder tho, if seeing what they could become doesn't at time prevent me from appreciating who they are right now. Maybe I've just stumbled onto the biggest trial of parenthood.

My kids all did very well in their band and chorus concerts tonight. I am very proud of them. My little boys sat with me very well. We had to wait for a half hour before the concert began and they were both so well behaved. They got a bit tired of it all by the end (but so did I shhh).

I know I'm a bit all over in these thoughts. Sometimes that is how it works for me as I'm thinking through an idea. Eventually, I might get it straight, but for now this resembles my mind's working better than a finely crafted post.

Two of My Favorite Things

See these two little boys? That is Bob on the left and Tay-yay on the right. No, Tay-yay is not his real name, but that is what Bob calls him, so it has stuck. Those are my toddlers. Bob will be three next month and Tay-yay two in July. They are very close in size. I think size might be the only thing they have in common. The are night and day different from each other. (Click on picture to see full size.)




Tay-yay can be very silly. He has the prettiest curly white-blond hair. He's also a do-er. He needs to throw, push, pull, swing around, or at least touch something at all times. That is unless he is climbing, emptying cupboards or just running madly about the house. He is either all happy, or all grumpy (when tired). He is a delightful, what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of kid. I love him madly can't you tell.



Bob is altogether different. He is Mr. Serious. He is a think-er. He has intense blue eyes. (Yes, all my kids have blue eyes, but his have an intensity to them that is unique.) He loves letter, numbers and colors. He is learning simple words and spends much of his day singing the alphabet song. He doesn't like the way Tay-yay plays with cars, because they are all over the place. Bob prefers his cars lined up on the carpet roadway. Lego colors should all match up and playing on the computer is the best place in the whole house. And I love him madly can't you tell?



As different as these two are, they still manage to play together every day. Sure, they fight over toys etc, but they are still the best of friends. The best part? They teach each other how to do things differently. Tay-yay loves letters too. Not to the same obsessiveness as Bob, but he likes to point to squiggly shapes and tell us what letters they look like to him. And Tay-yay and Bob love to chase each other around and around the house. The best game tho, is jump on daddy. They line up at the front door and run full speed into daddy's hug. This is not a game one can play without the other. They roll balls to each other and can make each other laugh like crazy.

I hope they continue to remember what a blessing it is to have each other. If not, I'm sure I'll try to remind them as the years come. They might even come to believe it in twenty years or so.

Spring Sports

Soccer season ended for the kids about a week ago. I have been remiss in posting soccer pictures this season. This spring the kids received orange shirts. Personally, I can think of very few reasons to ever wear such a color again, but thankfully the kids are not so picky. Let's revel in all their orange soccer glory:

There is a freeway on the other side of the retaining wall in the background. The wall does a good job of blocking out the noise.

Yes, I blanked out the face of the kid in the front, she doesn't really have a no-face disease.
Doesn't Little Bear look like she is running fast on the left side of the picture?

The park where the games are held is a great park. They have full playground and picnic areas on the other end of the fields. They also have a community center with a gym and classes.

These are my soccer kids. They make me the soccer mom I am.

No game would be complete without snacks afterward. It's the little boys favorite part.



My mom came out the last week and brought her new puppy. (The one mentioned in previous posts.) This is Dash, isn't he adorable?

There, I've given the obligatory (so I preserve the memories as much as anything..) post about spring soccer season. Coming this fall: Fall Soccer Season!

Now it is time for swimming to start. I signed up my Little Bear for early classes this year. She wants to be part of the Swim Team but I have doubts on her ability to past the basic requirements for it. So, on this gorgeous 75 F degree afternoon she gets to get in the pool. Poor little skinny thing, I wasn't expecting unseasonably cool weather. It should be in the 90's by Thursday tho.
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SUNS REPORT

The Suns won yesterday,95-87 beating the Lakers. It was tougher than should be, but unlike the Mavericks and Spurs at least they got their win. AND Leandro Barbosa a point guard on the Suns was announced as the winner of the leagues Sixth Man Award, very cool!

Monkey Fashion Sense

This morning, my first grade daughter needed a bit of help finishing up her homework. So, to save time, I asked her brother (9 yr old) to go pick out clothes for her to wear today. This is what he came back with:

That is when it hit me, that my son, Monkey, does not ever have to make difficult clothing choices. Everything he owns matches everything else as only a plethora of t-shirts and jeans can.

I then asked my older daughter (11 yr-old) to pick out clothes for her sister. This is what she picked out.


The funny face is brought to you by Little Bear herself.

The question is: Is fashion sense a girl thing, or is it just something my son never really has to do? It makes me wonder if more men would be better with such things, if they had been taught as little boys.

It made for a funny morning.

Warning: Adorable Pics Ahead

It is still winter...didn't you know?
Of course here we are heating up already. Supposed to reach 90°F today...and tomorrow. It is March in Phoenix. This is springtime weather. And we love it.



After a hot afternoon, ice cream is a requirement. Tay-yay (1 1/2 yrs-old) especially enjoyed it.


He was even willing to share.


But not to be outdone..Bob (2 1/2 yrs-old) had to share his too.

I do hope you are all enjoying your Saturday afternoons, whether with ice cream...or hot cocoa.

Me, Bob and the Police Man

Yesterday, I was pulled over by a handsome police officer as I drove down a quiet residential street.

Doesn't that just sound pleasant?

My first reaction? I was irritated. I was going the speed limit. Even more irritating? I was sure that the cop had followed me from the shopping center I had just left. He had been following me to catch me in a mistake. I was certain of it!

It was a gorgeous 85 degree afternoon and I had decided I wasn't going to stay inside. The park wasn't a good option though because I had two kids recently recovered from being very sick. So, what better thing to do on a sunny afternoon than to go shopping for summer clothes.

We arrive at our first destination, and little Bob (2 1/2 yrs-old) decides he must be carried into the store. This is not happening. If I carry Bob, then I must also carry Tay-yay (1 1/2 yrs-old). So, the rule is both boys must walk up to the store holding my hands and then they get to ride in a cart. Little Bob wanted none of this. He whined and clung to my leg as I waddle along through the parking lot holding the other toddler's hand.

I received many sympathetic looks from strangers. Even better, I got compliments on how beautiful my children are....even as I was struggling with them. Is that really better? Ask for my attention to tell me they are beautiful, AFTER we are out of the dangerous parking lot. Please?

Then we went shopping. Shopping was pleasant and the boys were deliciously adorable. I found many cute things for my kids to start wearing right away as it is going to be in the 90's all weekend. Time to store away anything with long sleeves.

Walking back out to the van was equally frustrating as now I was carrying bags too. I did manage to get the kids all safely stored away into their car seats. I then drove out of the parking lot. I took the exit into a residential area. I know the neighborhood well and knew it would be quicker to cut through to my next stop instead of fighting traffic and lights on the main road.

We were on our way to a going out of business Wal-Mart. What? A Wal-Mart going out of business? That is unheard of! But understandable when they are opening up and Wal-Mart SUPER CENTER less than a mile away. I am glad they are not so arrogant to think that we need two within a mile of each other. I thought I might find some good clearance deals as the store is closing in less than a week.

On the way out of the parking lot on to the previously mentioned residential street, I passed by a police officer parked in his car. He looked like he might be doing paperwork or something, but then he followed me out of the parking lot...

It was strange to see him slowly following me. He wasn't keeping up at first. But after I turned a corner, I looked into my rearview mirror and there he was right behind me. Then his lights came on.

I pulled over, rolled down my window and unlatched my seatbelt. I was frowning and irritated. I wasn't doing anything wrong! But..as he exited his car I saw him in my rear-view mirror and I realized my mistake. He was walking up carrying my large black purse.

Talk about a quick way to melt away anger and turn it into humility. The wonderful man had even stopped and picked up a few of the things that had come out of the purse. He explained that the intersection where I had turned was littered with the contents of my purse and I ought to go back and get my stuff. Which I did.

I pulled into the relatively quiet intersection, turned on my hazard lights and quickly scurried around picking up my credit cards, license, cash..etc. A woman stood in her front yard steps away from me and asked me if it was my stuff. Yes I said. How crazy...stop me while I am saving my identity as cars carefully pass me. I am pretty certain I was able to retrieve anything of importance.

We then turned around and finished the drive to Wal-Mart. My son did not cooperate any better getting through the parking lot, but I was rewarded for my efforts by finding a very cute skirt for $3.00.

I didn't have it in me to make any additional stops and we went home and all took naps afterward.

So, thank you kind City of Phoenix Police Officer. You took care of me yesterday.

Association (Cherish is the word I use to describe..)

Guess what! I made the very painless switch to the new blogger. I figured I ought to just do it while I had the moment and not wait for the inevitable ultimatum from them. Do it or else you can't log in Muhahahahaha! So, if you notice any problems let me know.

Now to the real post:



Through high school, my best friend's mom sewed. Not just something here and there, she had a part time business where she made dance costumes. My friend would have to help her mom when big orders were due. I'd occasionally pick the stray thread or rhinestone from her clothes. As far as I know they still work this business, but a bit more full time now. When I got married, she was my maid of honor and she made my bridesmaid's dresses as my wedding gift. When I think of sewing I cannot help but have stray thoughts run through my mind about her. They are both excellent seamstresses.

My father was a dentist. I worked with him for a number of years (a decade is a number...). I have also worked in various other dental clinics. I know a lot about the business. Inevitably when I think about my father, who died five years ago, I think about dentistry. After he died, whenever the office where I worked would do denture repairs, the acrylic smell would make me think of my dad. When I was little, he would work on such things on occasion at home. The smell means dad to me. Right after he died, when I would smell it, I would tear up. Others would complain about how nasty it made the office smell, but to me it is a wonderful smell.

My husband works with computers. He has had several different computer positions with the same company for the past 14 years. When we met, we exchanged email addresses and got to know each other through lengthy emails. I would dash into the high tech center at the college I was attending to check and see if he had sent me anything. He would straight out skip class to sit at a computer at the University he was attending to wait for me to reply. We were silly. He is the kind of friend who will spend hours with you solving your computer troubles. (No, I will not give you our phone number...hehe). Computing, emailing and such will always remind me of my dear husband.

I live in Phoenix. I have lived here all of my life. I was born over in John C. Lincoln Hospital. I have visited all of the western states. I have enjoyed northern Arizona's cool greenness. But Phoenix is home. It is a huge place, this Phoenix now. But when I was little, it was much smaller. I have seen this city grow up around me and sometimes I don't recognize her. What with all the violence and depressing stuff in the local news. Despite all that...Phoenix will always be home to me.

There are other places that have strong meanings to me. Seattle means Grandma. Mexico means painting schools (I'll share this story sometime soon). Flagstaff means escape.

Association- the connection or relation of ideas, feelings, sensations, etc.; correlation of elements of perception, reasoning, or the like.

My little boys and I went to the park and met up with some friends today. These wonderful ladies have younger children than I do. So, I ended up giving touches of experiences I have already had with my older children. Mostly, I just explained how I don't stress over things with my little ones like I did with the older ones. Eating vegetables and potty training were the main looks at this. As we were leaving one of my friends called me wise. I said that I didn't think of myself as wise, I've just had experiences they hadn't yet. My friend said isn't that what being wise is all about?

My thoughts this afternoon have been on, how others view me. Who am I in their experiences? Is there something they associate strongly with me? Maybe I'm just the friend with all the kids. I am sure there is something more.

So often when I contemplate how others see me, I am drawn to my imperfections. I magnify in my own thoughts the flaws that I must wave like a flag to the rest of the world. But in reality this isn't how others see me. So, what do I project? I certainly never thought it was wisdom.

So what are your favorite associations you have with people or places?