Me and Depression, Screwing-up Friendships for Twenty Years and Counting

I sent the email saying Go Ahead! to my hosting service. They sent back a confusing email with already answered questions. UGH! So...my blog has not found its nook on the new server yet. Consider yourselves warned, however, should this amazing place of wisdom become unavailable for a time.

So um...

Depression...well it sucks. Maybe I need to borrow one of my daughter's fairy wands (she has at least seven). Then I can just tap my head, whisper a few magic words and my perspective will magically become all rosy and happy.

The worst part...or maybe the best part...is that life isn't so bad right now. I'm not sure what the trigger for this latest bout has been...maybe it has just been awhile and I was due. Honestly, it is part of being bipolar, no matter how wondrous life is. But, you should be proud of me. I've been battling like crazy. I pretend I'm good until I just can't pretend no more. Sometimes that is what it takes to hold things together until the meds kick in.

Here's the part that is worrying me tho. I have a friend who is fairly new to my emotional vomiting. (Heh. I like that.) I really do quite well most of the time and most people in my life have no clue I can get so wacko. I was supposed to meet her at the park and let our kids play this last week. That morning, I just couldn't. I'd had a couple of tough things happen and I was reduced to painful sobs. You know the kind. I knew that if I didn't call her, she'd stop by after the park to be sure things were ok. I wasn't ok. So, I called...sobbing. But being the nature of such things for me, I didn't know what she could do to help. In fact, I knew I couldn't do much for a little while until it passed. But heavens, can you just imagine it? A respected friend calling to cancel a playdate while sobbing? Of course she wanted to help and I love her for it.

I am really afraid I have hurt her with my insistence that she could not help me. In fact, I am pretty sure it hurt her. I have to go and try to explain/make up. I am afraid I have lost her. (While this may not be logical, it fits with my emotions..).

So, if you are the commenting type...I'd really love some reassurance here.

Also, it occurs me that like most people out there...some who read here may really not completely understand what it means to be bipolar. If you have questions, please ask, I'll answer in an upcoming post. Cuz hey, I didn't know much until I was diagnosed either.