Robbers and Ladders

A couple of nights ago, my ten year-old daughter woke to a loud sound in the night. She became convinced the sound was made by an aluminum ladder we keep in the garage falling to the ground. This concerned her tremendously as the ladder had been leaning up against the door from the garage to the backyard. She was sure there was a robber coming to get us. She says she even heard the door open and close and various movements through the house.

So, she snuck out of her bed and through the house to the door to the garage. She slowly opened it and peered into the garage. The laundry room light was on so she could see shadows all over the place. She says she saw a shadow growing and getting closer. She threw shut the door, locked it and ran back to bed terrified.

Awhile later, she mustered up enough courage to knock on mine and my husbands bedroom door. This was not a little timid knock. Noooo..this was a loud, banging knock that woke all but one of the other children. My husband and I hurried to the door to my daughter exclaiming, "I think there's a robber in the HOUSE!!" The look on her face was pure terror.

We quickly checked the house. We checked the garage. There was nothing out of place. There were no robbers in the house or outside the house. The ladder was still firmly leaning up against the door. We showed the ladder to daughter and she began to hypothesize how the robber might have gotten the ladder back up. We tried to convince her she had heard something outside and her imagination made it into the robber but she was not to be persuaded.

The next day, she and I talked through it all again. Again, she was not to be convinced that she imagined most of it. Now a couple days past, she concedes that MAYBE it was a car door slamming outside that woke her. Last night, she still insisted on being the one to lock up the house. We, of course, allowed this as it helped her feel safer. She also checked all of the doors in the morning.

The mind is a powerful thing and fear is a powerful emotion. I wonder what she could accomplish if she could harness the energy flowing into her over all this for more positive things. I think the same thing of myself when I get bogged down by anxiety, so overwhelmed that it feels like I am stuck with superglue to the floor. So much turmoil inside with so little action on the outside. I hope she and I both figure it out soon.

My Returned Love

I am in love.

"Ha!" you say, "we know you are married, we hope you are in love."


But this is no mere man I find myself infatuated with today.
Nor is this the first time I have found myself thus smitten.

"Who is it!?" you declare, "we must know the source of such infatuation!"

Ah, but you must understand a few things before I share who has melted my heart yet again.

It was a very hot morning, well over 100F. It was almost time for swim lessons for the toddlers; so I was prepping the wiggly boys. One down, one to go. I changed him into his swim diaper, then his swimsuit and coated him with sunscreen as if I were frosting a birthday cake. (Yes, I even rubbed it into his very blond hair..) Then I remembered the complaint of his swim teacher of the day before.

"Ouch! You have sharp nails!" she exclaimed as he gouged baby half moons into her well tanned shoulder.

I felt compassion for this woman with the perfect body. She has yet to understand how easy it can be to ignore such little things when you are a mom of five. So with ten minutes to spare, I reached for my purse to dig out the nail clippers to manicure my babe.

"What? Where is my purse?" My mind flew wildly through my disembarkment from the van just a mere two hours previous. "NO! I couldn't Have!"

I had left my purse forgotten between the front seats of my minivan. It was a very sad moment. Then the sadness calmed as my almost half-left-brained mind worked on a solution to the problem. The panic was peering past the almost logic, just waiting for a sign of weakness.

Time was over for me to make any definite plans toward a solution as it was time to drag the whimpering boys over to swim lessons. I think they sensed my dismay. They, who had become much calmer at the swim lesson prospect over the last week, were once again filled with trepidation. I calmed them the best I could and we worked our way through.

At the end of swim lessons, my plan solidified as I walked around the baby pool holding the hand of a slowly relaxing two year-old. Toys and shallow water eventually lulled him into acceptance and I asked a fellow swim parent to borrow his cell phone. Because my dear friends, I am part of the cell phone deprived. Please, all pause for a moment of silence at my lack.

I called my husband.

"But you said this love affair was not with your husband!?" you say.

True.. altho my dear husband played a signifacant role, just as the friend with the cell phone. But neither of them are my hero in this story. Now, let me continue.

I asked my husband to make another phone call. As the number I needed was in my purse...in the car. He agreed and called.

Soon swim lessons were over and we packed up all six kids.

"Six kids?" you ask, "didn't you just say you are the mom of five?"

There you go, getting me off topic. I am the mom of five..but today I also had a nephew with me. So, we packed up all six kids' stuff and walked out to the van.

"Are you not panicking now?" you ask.

I was a bit nervous, but I had faith my returned love would rescue me.

We tried the doors to the van, but they were still locked. This is when panic almost got to come out of hiding, but then it happened!

"Oh, Oh what was it?"

The door clicked unlocked. We were able to climb into the van and leave without any more hassel than usual.

So, who is my returned love? This is an old friend, I last saw at church this spring. Before that was a couple days before Christmas well over a year ago.

I am in love once again


with ONSTAR.

Thank you ONSTAR. You think those people in the commercials sound sappy? You would too. I have. This is a true love.

Right or Left?

Looks like motherhood has made me more left brained. I used to be so spontaneous. Then the thought of packing up all the kids, all the things needed for the kids, then myself turns spontaneity into planning LOL. I like this one. It made me think a lot about how I've changed over the years.

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (54%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (46%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Some Thoughts I Really Needed

I read this post over at OmegaMom's blog today.

For any mom who is feeling guilty for some of the mistakes made with her kids. This is for you. Our little mistakes and parts of living and we ought to get a bit better at forgiving ourselves.

A Very Long Line

Dear Woman waiting in line behind me at the concession stand at The Movie Theater this morning,

Just in case nobody has told you yet....Yes you are a bitch.

No, it isn't cute that you dressed your eight year-old son the same as you.

No, you are not the expert on colleges in the Phoenix Metropolitan area.

No, you do not know how to listen very well. I was trying to prevent you from turning our small talk into all out confrontation.

Yes, I do expect to see you around that same theater next Friday morning too.

Yes, I plan to smile at you warmly.

Yes, I did see you rolling your eyes when you thought I was looking at my daughter.

Yes, I let my daughter dress herself. She is very creative isn't she? I do not make her dress like me. It is called allowing my child a mind of her own.

Yes, I understood completely when you told your son you should have chosen another line. I know it wasn't because the line next to us was moving any faster than ours.

Yes, I know I have a huge butt, you crowding me in the line did not make it any clearer to me. It also did not make the line move any faster.

I look forward to next week.

Sincerely,

The woman standing in front of you in the VERY long line this morning.

(A lesson in why we should not speak to strangers. Even if they look friendly. It does not matter that you may be stuck for a half hour in the same concession line in the movie theater.)


Dear toddler in front of me in the long concession line at the movie theater this morning,

You are adorable.

Thank you for the hugs.

Tell your mommy thank you for letting you be nice to me.

Thank you for going back to your mom when I asked you to so that your mom didn't think me nuts like the lady behind me.

Sincerely,

The smiling lady behind you in line this morning.



So, do I trust the toddler's instincts or the adults?

The Mur Man

My husband is off on a Boy Scout canoe trip down the Colorado River. I hope he is happy to be going. His job has been ultra stressful for the past week and he had been driving me nuts all week as he tried to deal with that and preparing for this trip. Being in the middle of nowhere means I am not going to get to hear from him while he is away. That is the toughest part I think.

The first time I noticed my husband was after a church activity. He was wearing an ironed shirt, tie and was washing dishes. He looked so handsome and was joking and laughing with the other people cleaning up. I thought for sure this was a man who didn't mind doing a few chores. (Ok I didn't think too much about chores, more about how nice he looked..etc.) Now, this wasn't the first time we met. He tells me we had actually met a couple of weeks before. In fact, he says I introduced myself. Well, my introducing myself to new nice looking men was not so unusual at that time. I was 19 and looking good myself. I just have no memory of that first meeting. This is the one memory my husband has me beat in. That he remembers it and I don't often gets me to let him slide on his occasional forgetting other things. Of course, I did look good, so how could he not remember??

At the time of our first meeting, he and I exchanged email addresses. This was back in 1994. He and I had both been using the internet for awhile and so it seemed perfectly natural. Looking back, I see how important the discovery we both had email was to everything afterward. We started writing email to each other. It started out pretty innocent, but then he started the three questions. At the end of each email we had the opportunity to ask any three questions. The other could choose not to answer but nothing was to be off limits. Now, we were church-going, respecting young adults so we didn't get raunchy or sexual..mostly. But we learned a lot about each other very quickly. It got so I would rush to the hi-tech center between classes at the college I was attending to see if he had returned my email or I would simply get to school an hour early to spend the time (no not studying) to write to him. We were one of the very first internet couples I think.

Something should be noted here. We were both dating others at the time we exchanged email addresses. Nothing serious but I saw him with this pretty blond at church so I tended to keep my distance and I was seeing a jerk of an idiot and hadn't realized it yet. In our emails and conversations we NEVER discussed these others. In fact, I am still learning little tidbits about the girl he was dating now after eleven years. He just assumes I know all the things he mentions because I was around at the same time. HA! I suppose he still doesn't know much about the schmuck I was allowing to mess with my emotions at that time. Somethings stop mattering pretty, ya know?

After emailing and seeing each other through church stuff for over four months he finally called as asked me out. I had just that week decided Mr. Nitwit was no longer worth my tears (can you sense I still have a tad bit of venom for the guy??). So of course I said yes I would go with him. Then he told me we would be going on a double date with his parents. WHAT?? Ok, I didn't really question it. We had gotten to know each other so well through those revealing emails that I knew how close his family was. I went with it. We went to a fake old west town called Rockin' R Ranch. We had a blast. His parents went their way and we went ours. We immediately felt like we'd been dating for years. Watching us nobody would have thought it was a first date. We sat close, held hands, etc. It was so RIGHT!

Over the next couple of weeks we only saw each other on the weekends. (I was still determined to do well in school) We did, however, speak nightly on the phone. Our second date we went to a park he grew up nearby and we fed the ducks and overly aggressive geese. We still laugh at those geese when we return to that park and I don't go near them.

My mom told me later that she had a feeling when she met him when we picked me up for our first date. She said she knew I was going to marry him. I knew it pretty quick too. Our first date was in mid November. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we had a deep talk. Revealing all those little things in our pasts that might scare someone away. Neither of us were scared. He came on Thanksgiving to play games with my family, a long standing tradition. He fit right in with the rest of the crazies in my family. He and my dad threw jokes back and forth all night.

The next night, we got engaged. This wasn't a bended knee with the ring our proposal. It was odd. Our entire relationship had developed in unusual ways so I wasn't really that surprised.

I had gone to his apartment with little really planned. We were going to watch TV or something. We ended up talking. A couple hours into the snuggling and talking on the couch I asked a question. I asked, "So, are we boyfriend/girlfriend or what?". Remember we'd been dating less than two weeks at this point. While I knew I was going to marry him, I wasn't foolish enough to believe he knew it yet. But, I also wanted to have some sort of commitment verbally acknowledged because after all, I am a woman. He was quiet for a LONG time. I started to question myself a bit about my forwardness (which is always something I question AFTER the fact). He then said in an almost whisper, "Will you marry me." I replied, equally quiet (why mess with the mood) "yes". That is it. No big production. But 13 days following our first date, we were engaged. The next week, I went and picked out my ring, he showed up a tad bit late and I showed him which one I liked. We got it and that's that. Although, he did have to pass the DAD interview, but he was more nervous about it than me. LOL (Of course, I was never grilled by his parents.)

That is funny, I wasn't thinking I was going to write about our engagement. I thought I should write about what an amazing father he is, but that can wait until next time. My husband is on my mind tonight. Not the father of my children, but the man who is my friend, my lover, my anchor.

I hate sleeping alone. Even though I HATE touching while sleeping, I will miss him being there, next to me.

Weekend in Review

Hello blogland!

I had a very pleasant weekend. Let me tell ya all about it...

On Saturday, I got to get up early and go to the pool because it was the first day to sign up the kids for the rest of summer in swim lessons. They split the sign ups into two separate days, one in May for the first four weeks and one in June for the second four weeks. It was kinda nice to get away from the house to the silence of a solo trip in the van. I haven't had much quiet time lately. I got the kids in all the classes I wanted and when I got home, my wonderful husband let me go back to sleep for a couple of hours. He is a good man.

Saturday night my family did something a bit silly. I have a sister-in-law (married to my brother) who lives in Idaho. She is expecting their first baby in August. Her mom lives here too and thought it would be fun if we all sent packages with baby gifts on the same day. Sort of a through the mail baby shower. My family (my mom and sisters etc.) thought this was a fun idea and all agreed to participate. Then my mom had another idea. What if we all got together and had a baby shower, video taping the whole thing for my expecting SIL here and then sent her the tape with all the gifts etc. This may sound a bit cheesy but we had a great time. My aunt hosted the party and we all gathered. We decorated, put up a table of goodies. My aunt made special cupcakes with little baby booties on them(she also decorated my wedding cake. She is a talented lady.) We had a few games such as guess the expecting mommy's tummy size. We took yarn and guessed what around her waist size is and then labelled all the yarn pieces with names and bagged it up to send to her. We took all the bits and pieces from the games, parts of the decorations and all the gifts and have packed it all up in a HUGE box. Actually it is the box my new computer came in. It says DELL huge on the side. (We figure this will give my brother's heart a bit of a jump until he looks inside LOL). My other brother is driving up to visit them this next week and he is going to take the box (with frozen cupcakes included) to them. (BTW neither of the brothers mentioned here are the same as the brother mentioned in the Depeche Mode post. I have five brothers so don't even bother trying to keep it all straight. ;-D ) We look forward to my SIL letting us know who won the guess the tummy size game.

Then Sunday, Father's Day, was good. My kids and I spent the morning treating daddy. The kids had all made him little cards and gifts. They were very cute about it and I gave him something not handmade. (I have yet to figure out how to craft a watch.) Then we went to church (we were 20 min late UGH!). Then we spent the evening at my in-laws. We all brought part of dinner and had a very nice time visiting.

This is the fifth Father's Day I've been without my dad. This week would have also been my parents' 38th wedding anniversary. It has all had my emotions a bit scrambled. As such I haven't written a post for Father's Day. I have been thinking through this and I have decided that this week I am going to write several posts about the important 'fathers' in my life. I have been blessed to be surrounded by some amazing men and I want to share some about them with you. My husband is also going out of town for much of this week. Since I don't sleep well when he is gone, I figure I'll have lots of time to work through writing these posts.

A Little Catching Up To Do

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening.

This week has just flown by and I have not had the time to visit the blogs I read. I have quite a few posts that need to be read, waiting over in my bloglines account right now. (174 is a few right??)

I have been exhausted this week. When I finally find a few moments to sit and relax, I tend to start falling asleep. I got a two hour nap this afternoon tho and so I am able to enjoy a few moments here with my blog.

(BTW: what fun is a new computer if I rarely get the chance to use it??)

My camera has been having a few problems. I shouldn't be overly surprised by this fact, but I find myself talking to it before I turn it on. "Please work for mama today. I need to take some pictures of the kids swim team." The silly camera has yet to listen to me and I am beginning to think it just doesn't like me. After all, it is three years old now, it should be past that terrible two's stage. Of course, it could just be that the life span of a digital camera is rather short, especially when it is tormented by being dropped, played with by the toddler, and being smacked when it is failing to perform properly. How do I convince the camera to keep working a bit longer? It hasn't been impressed with my, "We just bought a computer" argument.

My children have really been enjoying swim lessons and dive/swim teams. Deborah (6 yr-old) is on the dive team. I always thought it would be second nature for her as she has always been my little daredevil. She has come pretty far with it, but still isn't diving, just jumping. Last Tuesday was her first Dive Meet. She tied for second place. Heather (10 yr-old) and Dale (8yr-old) are on the swim team. I am thinking it might have been a good idea to start them on the swim team in previous years but hindsight is oh so clear isn't it. They are both really enjoying it. Their first Swim Meet was yesterday (Thurs). They both received four ribbons. I look forward to watching them over the upcoming competitions. They have improved so much in just the firt two weeks of the season.

Robert (2 yr-old) and Brandon (11 mo-old) both started swim lessons too. Robert has adjusted well and now likes his teacher instead of running and screaming when she walks by. Brandon is still adjusting to the whole idea of it but I hope he will be enjoying it by the end of the next two week session.

We haven't been home much this week. The house as a result has taken quite a beating. Having to get up at 6:30am has put a huge damper on my ability to stay up late and catch up on housework. I know that is what my plan is tonight tho. So, if you are up around midnight, think of me. Maybe drop me a comment of encouragement at that time to keep me going. LOL I was always so organized at work. Housework...just isn't the same.

Musical Meme

I found this meme over at Mainly Madge and I thought it looked very fun.

I will share a little background first.

I have an older brother (just one sibling of many) who is five years older than me. So, when I was 12 he was 17, etc. The summer before I turned 12 and started Jr. High School my family moved across town. My brother continued at the High School he had been at for his Senior year. He also ran track and had a part time job near the High School and so we at home saw him rarely. (Side note, he worked for a pizza place and often closed up at the end of the night. Through Jr. High I ate cold pizza for breakfast almost every morning as I would run to the bus stop. Funny memory.)

Next important point about this brother. He was, and still is, incredibly handsome. He married a beautiful lady and they now have gorgeous children. As a 12 year-old girl with an amazingly handsome, confident, intelligent, older brother. I thought he was the most amazing thing since sliced bread. There were a few times he would come and pick me up at school after some after school activity. I was always so proud he was my brother. He had a stereo in his car that could be heard from a mile away. So, sitting in his car, I sometimes imagined blood running out of my ears, but it was so worth it, because he was SOOO COOL!

Now to how all this pertains to this particular Meme. My brother had a very specific taste in music. His bedroom was next to mine and when he would get home from work his music (tho on quietly for him) would wake me. I loved this. I loved his music. I adored him. He was and still is particularly fond of synth music. He really enjoyed/s Depeche Mode. Well, then I had to love Depeche Mode too!

While my love started this way, it grew into much more ever since. My very first concert ever was a DM concert. I was 15. I have been to every single concert they have played here in Phoenix (or surrounding cities) since. For those of you counting, that is 16 years. Even when I was newlywed and completely destitute for money. We came up with the funds for the worst seats in the house the day before the concert and I went.

Through my life, I have followed the band through the members' personal struggles. Through the birth of their children. Through their triumphant recordings and the ones the weren't quite so good. My teen years, my twenties, have been influenced by their music.

This last winter my husband, brother-in-law and I went to see them on their current tour. It was amazing to look around and check the ages of the people watching with us. There were a few couples who had brought their preteen children. My kids are still too young to consider this, but I started in with DM a bit into their careers. They released their first album in 1981 (I was 7 at the time).

So, now to the meme.


The rules: Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs.

1. Are you male or female? Sister of Night

2. Describe yourself. Damaged People

3. How do some people feel about you? A Pain That I'm Used To

4. How do you feel about yourself? Everything Counts

5. Describe your ex: Leave in Silence

6. Describe your current significant other: Just Can't Get Enough

7. Describe where you want to be: One Caress

8. Describe how you live: Nothing's Impossible

9. Describe how you love: Only When I Lose Myself

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish? Enjoy the Silence

11. Share a few words of wisdom: People Are People

12. Now say goodbye: Suffer Well


This was so fun! It is really hard to pick just one song for each category. So many titles fit so well. If you think it looks fun and want to do it, please let me know so I can be sure to visit.

Just a Quickie

My mornings are starting way too early.
So tonight I am just going to post this little note.

MY COMPUTER IS HERE AND ALL SET UP!!!

I am in love!

My old computer---
was REALLY old...

This one..with the new 19" flat screen monitor...is heaven on my desktop.

So expect wonderful things from me soon.

Princess Bride Quiz

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti



I love this movie. So, I was overjoyed to find out I am not the Albino, or Prince Humperdink. Altho, being Inigo Montoya might have been fun. Just not enough vengeance in me I guess.

I think I need to pull out my video and watch it again. Hmmm it's about time I upgraded to DVD on this one.

If you love the movie..take the quiz. Tell me who you are.
Maybe we can have a quote the movie party, each taking our part. LOL
We did a lot of quoting of the movie through high school.

Desert Rain

In honor of the rain we have had this past week (unseasonable rain it is) I am posting and essay I wrote for a writing class about the rain this last winter when we went for such a long time without any rain at all. I hope you are all having a great Friday.

DESERT RAIN

I was born in John C. Lincoln Hospital on Dunlap Ave, in Phoenix, Arizona. Being a native in Phoenix is an unusual thing. Often when meeting new people we Arizona “Phoenicians” ask where each other originally came from. After all, the metropolitan area of Phoenix and surrounding cities grew by over one million people from 1990-2000. That means 45% of people weren’t here when I was a sophomore in high school. Growing up in this desert community has helped me develop a unique appreciation for the desert, the sunsets, and even the rain.

Rain has become something more than just droplets that fall from the sky for me. Rain, in the desert, is a precious, life-giving commodity. The rain in the winter is a colder rain, which helps me appreciate the 70 degree days that quickly return. The winter rain usually comes over Christmas time. It is a slower rain that I watch from my windows while sipping hot chocolate, the Christmas tree lights colorizing my reflection as I look out at the wet street. The winter rains make the desert air crisp and clean. The smell of the occasional fireplace mixed with the scent of rain makes standing outside between the moments of drizzle a special treat. I love those few mornings each winter when I have to pull out my credit card to scrape off the thin layer of ice on the car windows. Through high school, I’d have to leave extra early in the morning and I learned quickly the best way to melt off the ice on the car was to turn the hose on it. Wrapped in my light jacket, I’d hose off the windshield while leaving the car running. The car would be toasty warm by the time I’d hop behind the wheel to drive to school. As chilled as I would get, I was always grateful there was no snow to shovel and no need for heavy winter wear.

Even better than winter rain, is the summer monsoon. By May, the city becomes so heated up walking anywhere outside without the trusty flip flops is a huge mistake. The smell of charring flesh is not worth a quick run to the mailbox. However, by July the rains come. I always know when the rain is close. I wake up in the morning sweating from the rise in the humidity. All day, there is no way to get cooled off. I end up parking myself in front of the fans and air conditioning vents. Then, the afternoon comes. The clouds build to the north and southeast. I watch the clouds anxious for the rain. I watch them build higher and fluffier. The higher they are the more likely they are to make it to my house. Some days the clouds just tease, building and then dumping their precious drops onto the small towns just north of the city. Finally, the day comes when the thunderstorms finally rip through the valley.

As a little girl, my brothers and sisters and I would sit at the front door to watch the storms. The screen door would shake with the fierce winds but we felt perfectly safe inside. The rain drops would get bigger and fatter and the gutters would start to run. Sometimes, hail fall, covering the grass with a fine layer of little ice balls. If the layer was thick enough, when the rain would pause, we would run out and make hail balls to toss at each other. Sometimes the rain would be so heavy the street would flood a foot deep and the teenagers across the street would pull out their canoe and go paddling up and down the gutters.

Now even today I wait for those rains. The first rain of the summer, I try to make a point of going outside to stand in it and let it drench me. I feel cleansed, as if the monsoon rain is baptizing me, washing away the evils of the summer’s oppressive heat.

So, each year, the winter rains strengthen me and the summer storms renew me. They are enough to allow me to spend months without rain, because I know they will return when it is time. That is until this year. It is now March 1^st. The winter rains never came. The weather this winter has been warm and sunny. Warm and sunny, day after day, it has been absolutely beautiful, painful weather. I have been desperate for rain. I’ve started to complain about the desert I love. I’ve been lax in my bragging to friends in the north about the wonderful, warm, winter days. This is one of my favorite pastimes. The bragging in the winter is half of what living in the desert is all about. But I have lost my drive; I am weakening.

Blogging Troubles

I have been unable to comment on most blogs today and I had a horrible time getting my post up today. (See post below) So, if you have posted, I've probably read it and really wished that I could comment. I hope blogger lets up on the hassle soon.

Diving Right In...Then what?

Deborah (6 yr-old) walked out to the end of the diving board and turned around. Her heels hung off the edge of the board. Her dive team coach stood in front of her and carefully helped her bend backward until she was able to dive into the pool below. She did a somersalt in the water and come up gasping for breath. She looked over to the side of the pool and it looked so far away. Fear filled her as she treadwater she began screaming hysterically. "Aaaa! Aaaa! Aaaa!" the screams turned into hyperventilated gasps as she struggled to keep her head up out of the water. The dive team coach dove in after Deb and hauled her to the side of the pool. Deb climbed out of the water and rushed over to where I waited with her towel.

My little girl and I then had a heart to heart talk.

"Deborah, why didn't you swim to the ladder?" I asked, working hard not to laugh anymore, now that she was with me.

"I was scared! It was so far away!" replied Deb in her sweetest, yet whiniest voice.

"Were you scared because you dove in backward?" I said.

"No." she said.

"You were scared to swim to the ladder?" I said.

"Yes, it was soooo far." she said so dramatically, I had to look around to see if they were about to award her an Oscar.

"Deborah, you know you can swim to the ladder. You do it all the time. It isn't that far. You should just swim to the side. Don't make your coach dive in after you." I said in my best mommy-tone.

"Ok." she said.

"I think you should go dive again and this time show your coach you can swim to the ladder all by yourself." I continued.

"Alright." she said and stood, dropped her towel and hurried back over to the divingboard ladder to wait her turn.

Deborah walked out to the edge of the board. She turned, hanging her heels off the edge. The coach looked back over and mean and I nodded and smiled. The dive coach once again helped Deb lean backwards and dive into the pool. Deborah popped right up and swam to the side of the pool. I stood and cheered her on as she swam.

The whole event has most likely been completely forgotten by Deborah now.
__________________________________________
My little girl is such an enigma. She has running dialoge in her head all the time. When she decides something is too hard to do she simply gives up. In the water, giving up can be a very poor choice. All it takes sometimes is just a few words of encouragement and support and she can conquer the world. The diving didn't scare her, the 8 foot swim to the edge of the pool terrified her.

In other things, she has the ultimate confidence. She didn’t know any of the other children on the dive team before the first day but now she runs around the pool in her free hour before her lessons begin with a couple of little friends.

It always surprises me when this vivacious, stubborn, smart little girl lets something overwhelm her and take control, such as fear. So often I wish I could be more like her. I wish I were more able to live in the moment and experience it so fully. My mind holds onto worries, reminders, stresses too well. But then she has a moment where her doubting mind takes hold and I see myself in her.

Do you ever let fear win? Do you get stuck and just want to scream for help? What do you do to overcome such moments?

Naps, Swim Lessons and Sunscreen

I like naps.
Quiet peaceful naps are special little blessings in my life. The best naps are when multiple members of the household are all asleep at the very same time. Even better is when I am able to wake refreshed before anybody else instead of waking to the child screams.

I like swim lessons.
Swim lessons wear out my two year-old so very much that he takes a nice early nap. I think it wears him out so much because he SCREAMS and cries and whimpers through the swim lessons. I think he believes his sweet petite 16 yr-old teacher specializes in torture. The 'baby pool' terrifies him just as much. I try to get him to get in with me at the end of his lesson and he just whimpers, points out at the parking lot beyond the chainlink fence and says a firm "GO!". He will adjust. But for now, I will continue to appreciate the nice naps he needs afterward.
I have to get up VERY early (before 7am early IN THE SUMMER. It's just so wrong). So, I have been enjoying the babies taking earlier than usual naps by laying down myself. The older kids get to cool down in front of a DVD. Today they watched E.T.

I like the new continuous spray sunscreens. No sunburns! It is so easy to apply. I am very grateful someone figured out how to finally do it right. They are a bit more expensive, but I have actually gotten my kids sprayed down more than just the once a day. We are at the pool for three hours every morning.

Naps...swim lessons...and no sunburns. This has the makings of an excellent week.

Se7en Meme

I have decided that I am going to have a happy week. LOL I wish it were that easy. But I am going to give my all to the idea. Swim lessons began today and all but Mr. two yr-old really loved it. I am a smart momma and signed up for all the earliest classes. Driving home my van thermometer said it was only 100°F. There is a lot to be said about finishing before 11am.

Now for a nice meme post. Nothing deep or troubled here...

I was tagged awhile back by My Full Hands with the se7en meme. I am Finally doing it.

Seven things I want to do before I die:

1. To complete a bachelors and masters degrees. Ultimate goal (right now anyway) is to finish up with a masters in counseling.
2. Travel through Europe.
3. Be completely debt free.
4. See my children be happy with families of their own.
5. Become a patient person.
6. Become a more peaceful person.
7. Own and ride a motorcycle.

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Touch my toes (with the legs straight).
2. Calculus
3. Engine Repair.
4. Be confident in my spelling without a dictionary handy.
5. Clean up after my kids all day without going completely crazy.

Seven things that attracted me to my spouse:

1. First time I really noticed him, he was washing dishes. (We have joked since that it was an anomaly.
2. He is funny and makes me laugh.
3. He can be an amazing listener.
4. His blue blue eyes.
5. His family. (Our first date, we doubled with his parents.)
6. He is a very kind man.
7. He is a very smart man.

Seven things that I say often:

1. Stop it Now!
2. Leave your brother/sister alone.
3. Why do you think?
4. I'm so behind on the housework.
5. Give the baby his bottle.
6. Turn off the TV.
7. I love you.

Seven books I love:

I can't list titles here as I don't tend to reread books and don't tend to remember titles. Instead I will give some of my favorite authors.

1. Terry Brooks
2. Orson Scott Card
3. Terry Goodkind
4. Robert Jordan
5. Mercedes Lackey
6. C.S. Lewis
7. J.R.R. Tolkien

It is tough to stop at 7.

Seven movies I could watch over and over:

1. The Princess Bride
2. A River Runs Through It
3. The Lord of the Ring Trilogy Extended Versions
4. Cinderella
5. The Little Mermaid
7. Sixth Sense


Seven people I'd like to hear sevens from:

1. Hope
2. Jana
3. Praying for your Prodigal
4. Yellowmama!
5. Issa
6. Holymama!
7. Taffi

Peas Under My Mattress

I was tagged for a meme this past week. I sat down deciding I would get that done tonight, but I have been sidetracked. A number of things have turned into peas under my mattresses.

First, the Suns lost and are now out of the play offs. I now hope the Mavericks win. I reason that it is best if those who beat my team win it all; it says my team was beat by the best and there is no shame in that. I also wondered how well the Suns would have done against the Heat without Amare Stoudemire to guard Shaq. I suppose the wondering doesn't matter anymore. I will be a bit sad tonight but tomorrow I will turn to baseball and be just fine. After all, the Diamondbacks have been doing really well lately.

Second, I've been reading a couple of blogs that have begun to irritate me. While the simple answer is to simply stop reading them (I can see the obvious sometimes), I want to settle in myself the reasons for the frustrations before I just move on. That self-analytical side of me must be satisfied sometimes.

Third, my husband has been moody today. As I don't have his permission, I won't go into why is has been so 'off' but needless to say it makes me feel like I'm walking on egg shells around him. When he would look at me today, it was as if he was looking straight through me. Like the worries/stresses running through his head were playing out on a wall behind me and it was all he could see. It is funny how his moods can so affect my own connection with how I am feeling.

Finally, I haven't been sleeping well lately. I been up late the past couple of nights completing things. Then I've been having some vibrant, disturbing, strange dreams when I do finally sleep. I know this is connected with being bipolar. Being sick threw me off taking my meds regularly. I've been missing doses all over the place. I have done better today but still was plagued with disturbing dreams as I took a nap this afternoon. Here are a couple dream summaries:

-(DREAM 1)My three oldest children are chasing me all around my mom's house with huge kitchen knives. (Only in the dream it is my house.) They corner me in the master bedroom and I throw shut the bedroom door JUST in time to prevent them from stabbing me to death. My husband is then with me and we escape out a back door, crouching low so they won't see us through the windows. We come around the front of the house. My husband wants to hop into the van and get away, but I know the babies are still in the house and they need to be rescued too. Who knows what the older kids will do when they realize we are gone. So, I sneak into the house and grab the 10 mo-old off the couch while my husband catches the 2 yr-old running through the kitchen. The older kids are hacking at the bedroom door with their knives determined to get to us on the otherside. I wake up as we are rushing back out the front door.

-(DREAM 2)I and my husband are visiting family/friends somewhere far from home. (I don't recognize the house in the dream, but in the dream it is where I am supposed to be...)I am in a bedroom changing my clothes. A man walks into the room, I turn as the door opens, scream and cover up my breasts with my arms. (Isn't it nuts? This isn't even a sex dream...keep reading.) He apologizes, hands me a letter (apparently he is some messenger guy) and leaves. I then end up (fully dressed) in the living room reading the letter with a group of people. It is talking all about how there is this company that wants to send me techno gadgets to review on my blog. I think this is pretty cool. Then suddenly I am back in that bedroom, changing my clothes again. Only it is a different time, not a replay of the time before. The SAME man walks into the room without knocking. I yell at him, don't you ever Knock?? just as I throw my arms up around my chest again. He then hands me another envelope and backs out of the room while staring at my chest. My husband rushes into the room at that point and doesn't even ask why I'm half naked, or why the guy is in the room. He asks, 'what's in the envelope?' I put a robe on (yes, I dreamed putting the robe on.) I open the envelope and inside is this check from the before mentioned company for over $19,000. I am supposed to use the check to pay for the gadgets I get sent. That is how I am going to get the things for free. (HUH? It all seems perfectly logical in the dream.) My husband is excited and I start thinking about trying to figure out a way to keep the money instead of using it for the gadgets. I wake up thinking to myself why don't I wonder if it is a scam...one of those that send a cashier's check that is counterfeit, but isn't determined counterfeit until 6 weeks after you deposit it?

So, from the above dreams can you surmise that I've been having child disciplining issues with the start of summer and varying money troubles?

I feel all stretched out unnaturally. Like different needs, my own and others, are pulling me in all different directions all at the same time. This isn't such a new feeling, after all I am a mom and it pretty much comes with the territory. I just don't usually feel so out of sorts with it I guess.

It has also been really hot this weekend and is only going to get hotter. Take a look:

Metro Phoenix forecast
Sat H: 112 L: 82	Sun H: 112 L: 82	Mon H: 111 L: 84	Tue H: 108 L: 81	Wed H: 108 L: 80	Thu H: 107 L: 79	Fri H: 107

Altho, it only got to 110F today. My weather pixie has been running around in just a bikini the past couple of afternoons.
Thank goodness for air conditioning.

Hukilau with Me!

Have you ever heard the Hukilau Song? Don Ho sang it. It was written by Jack Owens.
This is a fun link to hear part of the song. It isn't being sung by Don Ho here, but I wasn't able to find a link to his version. It is a happy sort of song.

The Hukilau Song - Maile Serenaders

You might be thinking...Why do you have that song stuck in your head tonight??

Isn't it the type of song you usually find yourself humming unawares? Well, it is if you have heard it before and something triggers it in your mind. Just wait. You are going to think of the word Hukilau tomorrow and suddenly you will find yourself humming along. It might even drive you to learn the Hukilau Hula created just for the song.

So, what is a Hukilau?

A Hukilau is an old Hawaiian way of using a large net to catch a lot of fish. Huki means to pull and lau means leaf. The Hawaiians caught a lot of fish at a hukilau. The Ti leaves that hung down from the net made shadows that scared the fish into the middle of the net. The Hawaiians scared the fish away too. A lot of people gathered around to help pull in the net. The Hawaiians had a lot of fun working together at a hukilau. The Hawaiians shared the fish that they caught.

Here are the full lyrics of the Hukilau Song by Jack Owens:

THE HUKILAU SONG

© 1948
Lyrics & Music: Jack Owens

Recordings:
CD: Hukilau Hulas (GNP Crescendo GNPD 35)

Oh, we're going to a hukilau
A huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau
Ev'rybody loves a hukilau
Where the laulau is the kau kau at the big luau

We'll throw our nets out into the sea And all the ama ama come-a swimming to me Oh, we're going to a hukilau
A huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau
Ev'rybody loves a hukilau
Where the laulau is the kau kau at the hukilau

What a beautiful day for fishing
In the old Hawaiian way
All the hukilau nets are swishing
Down in old Laie Bay
Oh, we're going to a hukilau
A huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau
Ev'rybody loves a hukilau
Where the laulau is the kau kau at the big luau

So now to answer that question. Why is the song stuck in my head tonight?
Tonight during timeouts in the Suns vs Mavericks playoff game, I watched the national spelling bee on ABC. There was a boy from Gilbert, Arizona in the final 13 out of originally 225 contestants. He was the final remaining home schooled contestant too. Something his mom ought to be very proud of. I know tonight there is a little video of him over at ABC.com. His name is Jonathan Horton. Anyway, this is a bit sidetracked. The reason the Hukilau Song is stuck in my head is that Hukilau was one of the words used in the spelling Bee tonight. I thought it was really cool to have actually heard one of the words before. I bet they will have a better story tomorrow on the web site about the conversation. Tonight I could only find this prestory.

So, I will be humming Hukilau at least until I take the kids to see Clifford's Big Red Movie tomorrow as part of the summer movie program here.

Oh and that Suns game? They lost. I got rather irritated at the TV. I yelled at screamed at it, but it still wouldn't show me a Suns victory. Stupid TV.