Sleep

Wow, it has been a full week since I last posted. It really did fly by.
Have you ever had a night where you wonder where it went as you don't feel like you slept at all? I had that sort of night last night. I dreamt about work and about dealing with the new hygenist there. Talk about stressful dreams. So, when I got up at 2:30a to deal with the crying three year old who had just wet her bed I felt like I had just laid down and not slept at all yet. I then woke up to from dreams several times again. What is it with these dreams? I don't think I felt all that stressed out when I went to bed. I did miss my afternoon nap yesterday, which might have put things a bit out of sorts, maybe I was just overly exhausted. The naps are a pregnancy thing. I find I deal with my works nights much better if I take the time to lay down for about an hour that afternoon. I was thinking I'd go back to bed for awhile, but today is a half day at school and I have to take Dale to school way too soon. I dropped him off late yesterday forgetting he had a half day on Wednesday too (even though the rest of the school was regular schedule). So, no late arrivals for him today.

As a side note:
Talking about Dale reminds me I get to go to parent/teacher conferences tomorrow. I am a bit nervous about what Heather's teacher will go over with me. I have this impression from what Heather shares, that second grade is not going as smoothly as first grade was. I expect to get glowing reviews from Dale's teacher. He can be one remarkable kid when he decides to be and since school is still new to him, he hasn't relaxed into his picking on others mode yet. So, wish me luck.

Dancing

Deborah loves to dance. She's pretty good for a three year old too. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all that comfortable with our bodies? So comfortable we could get up and just twirl around the living room without a second thought to what someone else might think? She dances anywhere and everwhere. I think right now, Deborah is happiest if dancing. How free that must make her feel. She knows she good at it, although she does demand confirmation of that from her audience (even if that audience includes complete strangers). Oh to be three again. In fact, even as I sit here typing this she is dancing along with the music from the television. But she doesn't need the music supplied for her. Sometimes, she dances to the music in her head. Sometimes, she dances to songs she sings. I want to believe in myself as she does. I want to believe my body can make beautiful movements like she does. It makes her feel pretty to dance. And she is beautiful, especially when she is loving herself.

Babies

I think babies are wonderful. For quite some time I've wanted another baby. I've wanted one even knowing how he/she would eventually grow up and not be a baby anymore. Deborah, my current baby, doesn't really listen very well to me anymore. She is a stubborn three-year-old who has been perhaps a tad bit spoiled. And now I learn after being convinced I could not get pregnant, I learn I am pregnant. I am going to have another baby. I have been in such shock. I have been preparing myself just to go on with life, content (am I ever really content?) with my family as it is. I had decided I was to go back to school full time as I finally had some dirrection for a degree. Oh well, that can wait after all.
It has finally sunk in that I am really pregnant. Being nauseous for the past two days has helped that a bit. I am really going to have a baby. I can't bring myself to buy any baby stuff yet, but I actually look at some this morning. It is real. And now my fear of it going away drives my new anxiety. I am getting what I want...aren't I? Just because the timing is not what I would have choosen....doesn't mean it isn't getting what I want.