Birthday Thoughts

Today is my sister's birthday. She would be 32 years-old. Her name is Heather. She had a short life, but a life much longer than any of her doctors' predicted. She blessed her family very much. There have been countless times in my life I wished I could remember her. I know she had severe health issues and mentally was never as old as her chronological age. But I wish I could remember holding her hand. Kissing her cheek. Laughing with her.

When I was younger, I thought about her all the time. I felt connected to her. I would tell friends at school all about her. About the pictures I'd seen, the feelings I had. Rarely were my feelings understood properly by the other children. I learned, for the most part, they aren't feelings for sharing.

When my dad died, I felt connected to her again. I could almost feel her hugging him. I could almost feel her happiness at being with him again. It made me happy they were together.

I suppose, I've always felt connected. I named my first child after her, middle name too.

I was watching a show about medical mysteries a couple of weeks ago and they were interviewing a conjoined twin. She and her sister had been seperated as babies and her sister hadn't survived. The surviving twin explained how she has always felt like her sister is with her always. That a part of the sister lives on inside of her body. I thought that was beautiful. And though we were never physically joined like that, it reminded me how I used to talk to Heather. At night, when I was lonely or sad, I'd think about her and not feel so alone. Even though, I couldn't really remember her.

I don't talk to her anymore. Maybe I should. Adulthood has taken over and I rarely think of her anymore. Still, I love her. Happy Birthday Heather.