Hallucinations

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Name: oshee
Location: Phoenix, Arizona, United States

1.25.2006

poetry

You know, I haven 't considered myself much of a poet for years. When I reread poetry I have written in past years (some of it many many years ago) I find a lot of it rather general and lacking the detail that I find in really good poetry. Now, after all these years, I am taking a writing class. The first thing we are writing..is of course ...poetry. One of the poems I am going to write is under the classification of a sound/sense/nonsense poem. Oh I had quite a list of ideas to choose from under this category, but I have chosen to write a poem about an abstract noun. I am to use particular consonants to dominate, create a texture of sound that reflect the emotion of the abstract noun. Doesn't that just sound freaking daunting? But as tough as it seems, I have chosen the topic..that abstract noun..I wish to write about. The noun is....PERFECTION. Kinda scary choice isn't it...
Ok, the choice is perfection. Now what sounds give the texture of perfection? Perfection to me is a hard straightness...the feeling of linear equations or something like that. So, how do you create that with consonant sound. My thought right now is to use hard consonant sounds, such as, T, P, C, G, B and X. But I have to put these sounds into a poem...and poems describe something...usually. I thought what better to describe in a poem reflecting perfection than a woman doing her makeup. So, I wrote out lists of words with the Hard Consonant sounds I want to use...and now..I am stuck. Maybe it is just that I am tired. Or maybe it is the stretching and pulling of my mind that has my thought processes too intensely focused right now. This class is definitely going to do that. Stretch my mind. So, anyway...here's what I got so far on the poem..I think I'll reread this tomorrow and see how looney I am truly becoming.


PERFECTION

Tools in place
Clean face
Toned and plucked
Cover nature's pallet
Conceal, mask, veil
Recreate correctly
Brush and blush
Curl and color
Pencil and powder
Pouty lips
Catty gaze
Reflection is truth

4 Comments:

Murray said...

I think it is better than you realize. The words begged to be pronounced - to be said aloud and given life.

The only thing that I would maybe consider is maybe combining the second and third lines, removing 'face' & 'and'. Maybe something like:

Toned, plucked, clean

Removing 'face' will stretch the mystery a bit and make one think more about what is being revealed about perfection. I also felt that the 'and' in that instance softened the sharpness and perfection of 'toned' and 'plucked'.

Just my 2ยข. :)
-= M =-

8:12 AM, January 25, 2006  
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