Babies

I think babies are wonderful. For quite some time I've wanted another baby. I've wanted one even knowing how he/she would eventually grow up and not be a baby anymore. Deborah, my current baby, doesn't really listen very well to me anymore. She is a stubborn three-year-old who has been perhaps a tad bit spoiled. And now I learn after being convinced I could not get pregnant, I learn I am pregnant. I am going to have another baby. I have been in such shock. I have been preparing myself just to go on with life, content (am I ever really content?) with my family as it is. I had decided I was to go back to school full time as I finally had some dirrection for a degree. Oh well, that can wait after all.
It has finally sunk in that I am really pregnant. Being nauseous for the past two days has helped that a bit. I am really going to have a baby. I can't bring myself to buy any baby stuff yet, but I actually look at some this morning. It is real. And now my fear of it going away drives my new anxiety. I am getting what I want...aren't I? Just because the timing is not what I would have choosen....doesn't mean it isn't getting what I want.